Blog of the Darned

We finally went to see Wall-E with the kids. Okay, it was great, but that’s what I’m here to talk about. What I noticed was that you had two basic types of robots. First, there was Wall-E and others who looked like him. He was a metal box with tractors and gears. To me, he looked like the robots I grew up with, a metal body, metal grabber-like hands, and cameralike lenses for eyes. This was the primitive machine that humans left on Earth to clean up the mess that humanity created. Then, you had the robots like Eve, clean sleek rounded white plastic, no obvious appendages until they appear seemlessly from the body. The eyes simply lights under white plastic.

To me, the analogy is obvious. Wall-E is a PC, and Eve and robots of her ilk are Macs. Now, this is what I find interesting. Which were the robots that ultimate enslaved humanity with convenience, turned them into fat, vegetables, so engrossed in the technology, in front of them, that they weren’t even aware of the world around them? The Macs. They even fought them when they tried to break free. Ever try to find out what is happening behind the scenes on a Mac? And which was the robot that possessed humanity and ultimately freed the race and returned us to Earth and our humanity. The PC.

It dawned on me that recently I have developed an adolescent obsession with boobies. I think that developed is the right way to put it. I’m pretty sure that I was not this way five or ten years ago, or at least not this bad. Even as an adolescent, it wasn’t this bad. True, I was obsessed as an adolescent, but I spread it around more. Back then, I was obsessed with just about everything. Now, I seem to specialize. Don’t get me wrong, if I see a nice butt, I’m going to look, but it’s not the same thing. And it’s not even all boobies. It’s just certain ones. First, they have to be natural. Fake, gravity-defying, perfectly round, perfectly symmetrical, spherical orbs superglued to some skinny woman’s chest don’t do a thing for me. Again, I’ll look. It’s just not the same. But give me some heavyish, or better yet slightly heavyish woman, with big natural boobies, and I melt, which brings me to why I’m writing.

Last night, I went to Target, and as I was coming in, I saw this girl coming out. Now, I think girl is the right term here. I know that some women get upset when you call women girls, but here I think it fits. This girl was somewhat plain in the face with long curly hair, and definitely slightly heavyish and big natural boobies. Now, if I had to guess at her age, I probably would guess 14 or 15, but since it was about 9 at night, and she was alone, I’m going to give her credit for being old enough to drive, 16 or 17. Now, here’s the thing, when she walked, her boobs bounced up first then down with each and every step she took. I had never seen anything like this before. Most women bounce down then up. Another reason that she probably was 16 or 17. I can’t imagine that a girl of 14 or 15 could have possibly perfected a walk that would make her boobies move with this much inginuity at such a tender age. Not unless she had a mild physical disability, which caused her to walk that way. Anyway, I was completely mesmerized. I really wanted to follow her out, but I didn’t for several reasons. a) It was stupid. I had just walked through the door. I wasn’t going to just walk back out, just because some girl, no matter how truly amazing, walks by. b) She was only 16 or 17, and even from a clinical standpoint, that’s still kind of creepy. And c) what if she wasn’t what she seemed to be, some innocent young girl whose boobies bounced in a way that defied all explanation. What if she was some demonic she-beast in disguise, who lured unsuspecting middle-aged men like lemmings off a cliff to their doom with her enormous up-bouncing boobs. Any other day, I would have gone willingly.

One of the things about the Olympics is that they always show lots of diving. In diving the big thing is not to make much of a splash when you enter the water. Now, I’ve know this for 20 years, but it was only this Olympics that I learned why. The reason that no splash/small splash is so desirable is that it is a good indication of how vertical the dive is. If you overrotate or underrotate, your legs going in at an angle will make a bigger splash. Still, I think they make too big of a deal of the splash. Plus, it gives certain divers an advantage. You have these Chinese divers that at age 16 weigh less than my daughter does at eight. They could do a cannonball, and it still wouldn’t make splash.

It was last week during the Women’s Marathon that I noticed that women have started to run in what are basically bikini bottoms. Now, during the Marathon, not all of the women were wearing bikini bottoms. Some were wearing running shorts, but probably 95% were wearing bikini bottoms. This is definitely and innovation I can get behind, especially in a race like the Marathon, where for the first few miles, you have about 80 women all running in one big pack. Ummm, 80 women, all with butts that you only get from running 10 miles a day, all in one big pack, and most wearing bikini bottoms. I’m sure there’s a reason for this, beyond my own perverted amusement. Possibly, it’s to prevent chaffing, or possibly it’s just faster. But there is definitely a reason. Technological advances in equipment and training is what have made world records fall like a line of dominoes this Olympic Games. All I know is that if the female running community somehow discovers that they can run faster in thongs by London 2012, I can die a happy man.

I’ve been watching the Olympics all week. In the gymnastics coverage, would be too much too ask for the announcer to learn a little bit of heterosexual terminology to describe what’s going on. Yes, I realize the announcer in question was a former male gymnast himself, but he is now a professional journalist, in that he does get paid to discuss sports on TV. I’m a technical editor for a company that makes chips for cell phones. If was gay and decided to describe the 3G broadband coverage of our new chip as “fabulous,” I’m pretty sure I’d get in trouble. Here are just two examples that come to mind. In covering a particular maneuver on the men’s rings, he described it as, “silly strong,” and in talking about one of American’s routine, he said it was, “not just a dream, but a fairy tale dream.” Fairy tale indeed.

I just saw a story on Yahoo Green

Tokyoites least eco-minded of rich city dwellers: poll

This is the biggest load of crap ever. Now, I suppose that it’s true that they polled people in different cities, and higher percentage of people in Tokyo said they weren’t willing to give up “a convenient lifestyle to prevent global warming” than people in other cities, but I was in Tokyo, and I can at least compare to West Coast American cities. Most people in Tokyo take the subways everywhere. They walk up and down stairs to get in and out of the subways to go to work, to go shopping, to go out, and to go home.

Yes, there are cars in Tokyo, but most fall into one of three categories, little teeny tiny cars that would fit in the front seat of the larger American SUVs, Taxi cabs, and little teeny tiny trucks that would fit in the back seat of the larger American SUVs. So unless the citizens of Tokyo are emitting greenhouse gases as they climb in and out of their subways, I don’t think they are the problem.

You might have noticed that I have started to put my blog entries into categories. I probably won’t go back a put all of the uncategorized stuff into the proper categories, but I am going to try to categorize new entries. One subject I know I’m going to keep coming back to is the Ravages of Time.

In this case, I want to talk about wild eyebrows. Yes, I’ve talked about them before, but if you saw my father, you’d know why this is something of an obsession with me. When you are young, all of you eyebrows grow in one direction, at an angle toward the side of your face. But as you get older, you get these wild eyebrows, which grow any direction but toward the side of your face. What I noticed the other day is that the wild eyebrows are much thicker than your regular eyebrows, and if my Dad is any indication, they continue to get thicker as you get older. I fully expect that by the time I’m 60, I’ll need to keep a pair of bolt cutters in the medicine cabinet.

Last night, I got sucked into Forrest Gump. I really didn’t mind. I haven’t seen more than bits and pieces of it since it first came out on video, what, about 12 years ago. My only real issue was that I watched in on regular TV, AMC. It is a fairly long movie, about 2 hours, 20 minutes, but edited and with commercials, it ran 3 hours. That’s too long for a movie like Forrest Gump. Even with editing, they had to run the credits at the speed of light to get it to fit in the three hours. The credits were moving so fast that they performed the Piccard maneuver. I swear I could see the Art Director and Caterer at the same time.

My friend Ned wants to start a podcast

The Geek’s Round Table

The idea is to cover all things geeky, comics, sci-fi movies and TV, games, etc. Anyway, there are about six or eight people who will be on the podcast on a rotating basis. I don’t think any of us really know anything about podcasting, so I bought the book, Podcasting for Dummies.

Okay, I’m going to make an assumption that you all are just as clueless about podcasting as I was before I read the book. If you’re not, sorry. Basically, a podcast is a media file, usually audio, but it could be video, that is up on the Internet. What makes it different than other files on the Internet is that it has an RSS feed associated with it. What this does is allow you to subscribe to a particular feed, in this case, a group of podcast episodes, and they are downloaded automatically to your computer and you can listen to/view them at you leisure.

Anywho, in reading the book, probably about a hundred podcasts were mentioned. I wrote down the names of about a dozen that sounded interesting. I figure I’d just download one episode of each and try to listen to them in the car on the way to work. That way I could start getting my feet wet with podcasts in general.

One that I thought sounded cool that turn out to be just cool as shit is called Coverville.

http://www.coverville.com/

It’s a music show dedicated to cover songs. I love covers, and I’m listening to it right now, what I’m listening to as I write this is a band called Wintergreen doing a cover of Cyndi Lauper’s “Good Enough,” a song she did for the movie, The Goonies. Very cool.

Most episodes run about 40-50 minutes and will feature 7 or 8 songs, give or take. Most episodes revolve around a single artist, like say, Elton John, with most of the songs being covers of Elton John songs, and maybe one or two Elton John songs that are covers of someone else’s stuff. If you like covers, this is great. I started with one episode that had a cover of Peter Schilling’s “Major Tom (Coming Home),” which I had never heard covered before and ended up listening to five other episodes. I don’t think that I ever got through an episode without wanting to wanting at least 2 or 3 of the songs on my mp3 player. On occasion, there’s something that may not really work or is not my cup of tea, but I never found anything that I felt strongly enough about to want to try to fast forward through it. Probably, not my favorite but funny enough that I’m going to have to buy the mp3 on amazon.com was from the Johnny Cash episode. It was a group called, Organ Failure with the song “Cookie Prison Blues.” Imagine Cookie Monster from Sesame Street singing, “Folsom Prison Blues,” with the word “cookie” substituted where ever possible:

… But me shot a man for cookie,
Just to watch him die….

Coverville has show notes that give titles of the songs, artist/original artist and links to the song on iTunes, the album on Amazon and failing that, a link to the band’s web page.

Sorry for the bad pun, but I needed some sort of title for this post. The big news last week was that Elliot Spitzer, the law-and-order Governor of New York, was busted for prostitution. I really only have one issue with this. I don’t have a problem with him going to a prostitute. Guys do that.

I don’t even have a problem with him being a law-and-order politician and doing this. Yes, I’m glad he was caught, but not because of some moral imperative or out of respect for the law. I just don’t like hypocrisy, but politicians do that. If a politician is trying to keep gays from getting married or getting healthcare for their significant others, the odds are better than average that this guy looks like he’s happily married, but in his spare time he’s looking to blow somebody in the men’s room. If like in the old Westerns a politician says he wants to clean up this town, state, country, whatever, he’s probably into something dirty, whether that be corruption, graft, or in the case of Spitzer, dirty girls.

No, my big problem here is just the amount of money involved. The number I heard was $4300. Now, if I were going to spend $4300 on prostitutes, I would want more than one. I don’t know what the going rate is, but I would think that $4300 could get you pretty well into the double digits, especially in a recession. About two days, after the story broke, you started to see pictures of the young woman involved. She is very cute. I would even say pretty and young and healthy and vibrant and in-shape–definitely a credit to her gender, at least from a physical appearance standpoint.

But is she drop-dead spend-$4300-for-two-hours gorgeous. I’m not seeing it. On Friday night, Mary and I went to this Indian restaurant we like. The food is so good that we barely say three words to each other during the meal. No talk, eating. But another thing that’s great about this place is that they have TVs playing Indian music videos. One thing about Indian MTV or whatever they call it there is that they have some hot people in their videos. There was this one woman who was absolutely one of the most gorgeous women I had ever seen in my life. Now, her, I would pay $4300 for, especially if I could get the tax-payers to foot the bill.